The other day Matthew and I were listening to the fireworks and the band play though my apartment window after the football game last Thursday night. One of our favorite things to do if we decide to leave the game early or in that case miss the game because I was sick.
We were sitting there and he asked me what I wanted to do when I got older.
Without hesitating I said be a mom.
There is nothing more that I want than to be a mom (5+ years of course)
He asked what else I wanted to do (we have had this conversation many times) and I just sat there, trying to think. I get frustrated when I think about this because it seems like everyone and their mother already has this figured out especially at 21 so why do I not have it figured out?
I mean I have an idea of what I want to do, wedding stylists/ coordinator/ planner/ event planner, but is this really going to happen?
Is this really a need? Will I be able to succeed in this or will I end up working in an office doing something I don't like because this career path I want is not a need?
I enjoy my job now for the most part but it's just a job not a career for me. After about 3 months of working in this type of setting I have already decided it's just not for me.
I need to be up moving around, not sitting on my hind end all day talking calls. I want to be active throughout the day creating things, maybe even have an office at home and work from home?
Don't get me wrong I don't hate my job now but it's just a job to get me through the next couple of years of college.
I've been a teller but I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a teller or even a personal banker.
I want to help people, maybe be a nurse? But I can't do blood, so that's definitely out.
I worked in a daycare and enjoyed it but I don't want to be a daycare teacher the rest of my life. Snot and dirty diapers are just not my thing.
I love kids and can't wait to have some of my own one day but I can't see myself as a teacher. I think it would be fun having my own classroom and decorating it the way I want to but I just can't see myself teaching for the rest of my life.
All of these thoughts go though my mind daily.
FRUSTRATING I tell ya.
But then in the middle of all this frustration and stressing out I am constantly reminded.
//Trust and obey//
One of my favorite hymns.
Why am I stressing out so much on this when I already know there is a plan and I just need to trust God's plan?
Why is this so hard for me?
If you really think about it you trust more than you think. I hear people all the time saying they don't trust anyone but that's not necessarily true.
You trust the person driving past you on the interstate, you trust they know how to drive and that they won't hit you.
You trust the doctor giving you that flu shot, you trust that he will give you the shot in your arm like he was taught to do and not stab you in your neck.
You trust the expiration date on your gallon of milk siting in your refrigerator you trust that the date is right and that you still have two good days to drink it before it goes bad.
So why is it difficult to trust God at certain times?
One of my favorite verses and is and will always be a great reminder...
"Be strong, courageous, and firm, fear not be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you; He will not fail you or forsake you."
What are your thoughts on this? Ever been in this position?